


trying his best

by AceSparkleGirl



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Grinding, M/M, Making Out, Post-Squip, Requited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-05
Updated: 2017-07-05
Packaged: 2018-11-28 04:34:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,414
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11410323
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AceSparkleGirl/pseuds/AceSparkleGirl
Summary: He hasn’t been able to think about it since it happened. It was a stupid decision, he knows- he shouldn’t have done it in the first place, should have hung up as soon as it started ringing, just gotten off to some bad porno, by himself, alone, and none of this would have been a problem.A direct sequel tomost people wear pants at home.





	trying his best

**Author's Note:**

> Hi! This is a direct sequel to [most people wear pants at home ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11039868), like I said in the description. I'd recommend reading that one first aha,,,,

It’s difficult to avoid someone when you’ve known them for a majority of your life and they know all of the ways that you hop to hiding. When they know where the spare key to your house is, and they know your sleeping schedule, and they’re blowing up your phone asking you where you are, and it hurts to ignore, them because they’re your best friend, and-

 

Jeremy curses under his breath, closes his eyes and pushes his fingers back through his hair as he looks at himself in the mirror. It’s Monday morning, and he hasn’t talked to Michael since Friday afternoon, after he- when he got off to-

 

“ _Fuck_ ,” Jeremy curses, squeezing his eyes shut as he shuffles back to his room and leans down to pick up his backpack, eyes lingering long and hard on the bold ‘BOYF’ scrawled across the top in neat, black letters, and he nearly winces.

 

All he can think of is the look on Michael’s face every time they walk besides each other in the wrong order, for the sheer purpose of pissing Rich off for fun. The look on his face when he laughs and says ‘I’ll always be your ‘riend, Jere.’ The sound of his voice on Friday when he realized that Jeremy was…

 

He hasn’t been able to think about it since it happened. It was a stupid decision, he knows- he shouldn’t have done it in the first place, should have hung up as soon as it started ringing, just gotten off to some bad porno, by himself, alone, and none of this would have been a problem.

 

The voice in his head hasn’t stopped screaming that all weekend, at least. But he knows better than to let himself listen, even if he knows that for once it’s actually _right_.

 

Jeremy manages to push the thought to the back of his head by the time that he's sitting down to a bowl of cereal in the kitchen, and he's positive that the day's going to go fine up until the moment that his father comes in and asks him if he needs a ride to school today.

 

“No,” he muses, not looking up from his bowl of Cocoa Puffs. “Michael's got me.”

 

It's not until he watches his dad slip out of the house that it dawns on him that no, Michael doesn't have him today, and he'd be beyond fucked if he did. Before he can even think twice, he's standing up and rinsing out his empty bowl, swinging his backpack over his shoulder as he rushes out of his house.

 

Walking to school sucks serious ass, but at least this way he doesn't have to look his best friend in the eye and admit that he thought it would be a great idea to get his rocks off to nothing but his voice.

 

God, he hates himself.

 

\--

 

The entire walk to school is just one big excuse for paranoia to drag his ass through the ground to hell and back. Every time a car passes him, he's terrified that he's going to look up and see Michael's stupid rusty old PT Cruiser putting along beside him, with Michael grinning from the driver's seat. Asking him where he's been, or why he hasn't been home, or ‘ _where the fuck did the spare key go, dude_?’ and Jeremy having to vehemently deny avoiding him despite the red bursting across his cheeks.

 

Fortunately enough for him, that doesn't happen. He also doesn't stop at his locker on the way to history, or before homeroom, and when he hits Psychology, where Michael's seat is is diagonally across from his own, he doesn't lift his head off of his desk, doesn't look over at his best friend, and the moment that the lunch bell rings, he's up and rushing to the cafeteria to find a seat that was hopefully secluded enough so that Michael couldn't see him.

 

Turns out that Jeremy's always been a wishful thinker, no matter how many times he's been proven wrong by his own ambition.

 

He's halfway through a peanut butter and jelly sandwich when he feels a hand clap against his back, and someone sinks down by his side, pressing right into his side as an arm loops over his shoulders. He just glances out of the corner of his eye, gets an eyeful of red, red, red, and he feels himself stop breathing, because then Michael's face is in front of his and he's _grinning_.

 

“Hey, buddy! It's been a little while, dude, what's going on?”

 

Jeremy doesn't speak, he stays silent and stares at him with wide eyes, completely and absolutely focused on the way that Michael's eyebrows are furrowed in concern.

 

“...Hey, Jer, is everything okay in there? D’you need another dose of Red or something, dude? Because I still have some in the basement, you can come over- we can get you some-”

 

“ _No_ , no, I'm- _fine_ , Michael, I'm fine.” He's surprised for a second by his own voice before he sucks in a breath and shifts away, ducking from Michael's arm. “Sorry. I just- haven't been feeling great?”

 

“I messaged you a ton, dude,” Michael murmurs. “You don't usually just knock me off like that, are you alright? Like- he hasn't-- he's not back, is he? Blocking you or whatever?”

 

Shit. Jeremy's eyebrows knit together, swallowing hard before he shakes his head. Michael thinks that he was being blocked out again. Dammit. “No, he- that-”

 

Somehow, telling him that he was ignoring him on purpose is infinitely worse than blaming it on the Squip.

 

But he says it anyway.

 

“...I was- kind of avoiding you. That was all me. I'm sorry. Really sorry. I didn't mean to- I mean, I did mean to. I did. But I- um. I um.”

 

He's cut off by Michael shaking his head, lips curling into a frown. “...Did I do something wrong?”

 

Jeremy groans, finally putting his sandwich down and shaking his head, dragging a hand down his face. “No. No, I did. I'm sorry.”

 

“What are you talking about.”

 

“On Friday. I-”

 

Jeremy watches Michael's expression flicker from confusion to  embarrassment as he realizes what he's talking about, and he steadily goes red.

 

“Oh my god.”

 

“Michael, _please.”_

 

“No way, dude. Are you seriously telling me-”

 

“I'm not _telling you_ anything! I just said-”

 

“-on Friday, you hung _up_ on me after you-”

 

“I didn't say that I did!”

 

“You moaned.”

 

Jeremy turns red, raising a hand hastily to cover Michael's mouth as his head ducks down. “Shut up!” He watches Michael's gaze flicker down, look at his hand before looking back up at him, and he feels him smirk before there's wet against his palm, and he recoils, making a face.

 

“You just fucking licked me!”

 

“You got off to the sound of my voice, didn't you?”

 

Red, red, red. “ _Michael_.”

 

“You did! Holy _shit,_ Jeremy. Oh my _God.”_

 

This is exactly what he was trying to avoid. “ _Please_ don't be mad. Dammit, Michael, come on…”

 

“Mad? Are you kidding me? Even if I was, your face right now is enough of a payback.” Jeremy looks up to see Michael grinning at him, wide and snarky, and the thought runs through his head to kiss that stupid face just to make the smile go away.

 

“You- shut up. Shut up, Mell, you're a pain in the ass.” Jeremy whispers, landing a punch into his shoulder. Michael just snorts, fingers pushing into Jeremy's hair to ruffle it before he pulls away, and he smiles.

 

“Yeah, yeah. I know. But, fuck, dude, why the hell did you-”

 

“Why are you asking about this right here. In school. Right now.”

 

“Would you rather have it later?” Michael shifts, moving the straw in his slushy before he takes a sip of it, not breaking eye-contact with Jeremy. “I can come over after school. I'll drive you home, since you already missed the ride to school, and we can hang out.”

 

“Michael, you don't need to-”

 

“I want to.”

 

There's a hand on his arm, and Jeremy's flickers nervously up to Michael, who's just _smiling_ at him, and Jeremy's stomach suddenly feels like it's in knots as he agrees.

 

\--

 

They're sitting together in Jeremy's room before either of them speak up, and Jeremy shouldn't be surprised when it's Michael, but it is, and he jumps.

 

“Dude,” is the start, and Jeremy's gaze flickers from the floor up to his friend, who's sitting cross legged in his desk chair. “The last time I saw you this tense was when you realized that you and Christine weren't- working out. And that was months ago.”

 

“We're still friends.”

 

“I didn't say you weren't. I know you _are_ , I'm just saying that was really hard for you. I could tell.”

 

“This- this is worse. Than that was. It's a lot worse.”

 

Michael sighs, standing up to go over to the bed, arms opening carefully. “Jer,” he murmurs, eyebrows knitting together. “I'm not getting on your ass about this. If anything I'm just- confused. And maybe a little flustered about it, too, yeah, but- _fuck_.”

 

“I just thought it would be a good idea!” Jeremy groans, pushes his hair back and stares at Michael before he leans into his side.

 

“...Was it?”

 

Jeremy pauses, gaze flickering away and down. “Michael _.”_

 

“I'm serious, dude.” Michael's eyebrows furrow, looking hard at Jeremy before he takes a moment to look away. “Because, I mean, from the _sound_ of it-”

 

“ _Michael!”_

 

 _“Jeremy_ !” Michael echoes back, turning to make a face at him. “Listen, man, I'm just saying, it sure as hell sounded like you were enjoying yourself, and if you weren't then you are definitely misleading, but if you _did_ , I know you called _me_ specifically because when I'd stop, you'd ask me to keep going, and- you're sending me some _seriously_ mixed signals, Heere! Like, what the fuck!”

 

The way that Michael cards his fingers through his hair in worry makes Jeremy go silent, and he pauses for too long before he manages to pick back up.

 

“...What do you mean?”

 

“What do I- Jeremy, you called me specifically so you could jack it to- what, me talking? Best friends don't- that's not a--”

 

“Best friends don't do that.”

 

“Best friends _don't_ do that! Like, at all! What the fuck!”

 

Jeremy's chest tightens and he pulls back, looking at him carefully. He looks worried. Almost scared, even, staring at Jeremy with wide eyes and his hands in his hair. He doesn't know what to do at this point, doesn't know what to say to make it any better.

 

“Best friends also don't sit there and wonder how great it would be to get on _top_ of their best friend, and-”

 

“No-- _No,_ they- _don't,_ Jeremy, what the fuck?”

 

“Don't be mad, Michael, you seriously sound like you're pissed off right now, and I can't-”

 

“I'm. Not mad.” Michael draws in a sharp, hesitant breath. “I'm not mad. I'm really, seriously not mad, Jeremy, I'm just- I'm _confused_ . I'm really confused because I've been in love with you for _years_ and you can't just come here right now and tell me shit like this because I really don't think I can handle that right now!” Michael squeezes his eyes shut as he finishes talking, sucking in a few uneven breaths and trying hard to calm himself down.

 

Holy shit.

 

Jeremy just stares at him with wide eyes, mouth dry as he opens it in feign attempt to say something, anything to make Michael’s hands stop shaking, but he can’t. He just sits there for a second before he hesitantly moves his hands up and curls his fingers tightly into the collar of his hoodie, moving forward without a second thought to press a rather rushed kiss against Michael’s lips.

 

Michael, who in turn makes a noise somewhere akin to shock, and Jeremy feels his arms fall from his head. It feels like he’s fumbling, trying to figure out what the hell to do with himself, or at least his _hands_ , and he just can’t.

 

That is, until there are hands pressing against Jeremy’s chest, and he immediately pulls away, heart racing beneath Michael’s touch.

 

“...What was _that._ Jeremy, what the _fuck_ was that? You can’t just-- you can’t just _do_ shit like that, that doesn’t make any of this better! Are you fucking with me right now, because this isn’t-- it’s not something to joke about, Jer, it-”

 

“No. No, I love- I love you, too, Michael.” Okay, wow. The words don’t feel like his as they tumble past his lips, but he knows that he means them in every sense of the word.

 

“You-” Michael’s left staring at him, breath hitching in his throat, and Jeremy feels it. “You _love_ me.”

 

“I- That’s what I said, isn’t it?”

 

There’s a look on Michael’s face as though he’s confused, and Jeremy’s fingers curl tighter around the material of his hoodie.

 

“I love you, Michael.”

 

Gradually, he watches as his best friend’s face goes red, and then his expression scrunches up like he’s going to cry. Jeremy curses under his breath, shifts closer so that he’s practically in Michael’s lap before he lets go of his hoodie. “...Fuck. Dude, don’t-”

 

“Say it again?” Michael whispers, and he feels his fingers curl gently against his chest, making him look down, hesitant, and nod stiffly.

 

“I love you?”

 

There’s a silent beat, a pause that feels too long before Michael’s lips are back against his, and Jeremy practically stops breathing before he moves closer, and his arms come up and over Michael’s shoulders as he slumps down, as if to meet him halfway. Michael evidently has the same plan, though, because as soon as Jeremy leans down more, Michael leans up, and their noses bump together harshly, causing the shorter boy to reel back in embarrassment.

 

“ _Fuck_ , I’m sorry, Jer-”

 

“No, no no, don’t-” Jeremy laughs, moving a hand to rub at his nose before he leans down again to kiss Michael’s- an impulsive action, he thinks, but judging by the shade of red that paints itself over Michael’s face, it was a good one. “Don’t be sorry. It’s- fine. This is-- It’s-- I-” He’s fumbling hard for words, and he puffs out an irritated breath, shifting before he slips back and away, once again sitting in front of Michael. “...Sorry. I- didn’t mean to, um. To- I know I should’ve told you, or something, I just didn’t-” He brings a hand up to his face, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Jesus Christ, Michael, I’m sorry.”

 

“Stop apologizing, dude.” Michael sits up a bit, carding his fingers through his hair before he smiles wide at Jeremy. “...But- now that’s settled, you gotta- You have to tell me. _Was_ it good?”

 

“Dude.”

 

“Dude! You have to tell me now. You’re, like, obligated, y’know, and-”

 

“Just because we kissed doesn’t mean that I’m obligated to tell you anything!”

 

“Okay, fine.” Michael huffs, and Jeremy lets himself fall back onto his bed, gaze fixed up on the ceiling. “...But what about thirteen years of friendship under our belts? _That’s_ gotta make you obligated to something, right?”

 

Jeremy just whines in response, closing his eyes. “Michael, I don’t want to-” He cuts himself off as he feels something- some _one_ coming up over him, and he opens his eyes just to come face-to-face with Michael, who’s got an arm on either side of him, and he’s grinning. “Michael.”

 

“All I did was talk, dude, and you got off to that.”

 

“It’s not my fault that your voice is so nice, Michael. It’s not.” He raises a hand and pushes it against Michael’s cheek, which just makes his friend laugh, and he leans down more.

 

“You basically just admitted it. Right there, that’s it! Jer, if you needed to talk to me to get your rocks off, you could’ve just _asked_ , you know,” he teases, grinning wide before he lands a kiss to the corner of Jeremy’s lips, and his mind reels. Holy shit.

 

“I- shut up. I don’t- _shut up._ ” Despite the words, Jeremy’s just smiling at him, laughing as he lets the hand on his cheek come up and through his hair, and he listens to Michael as he hums softly. “I didn’t _need_ you to. I wanted to see if it would- work. And it did. It was like, an experiment, and you were kind of the, uh- independent variable?”

 

Michael snorts, leaning down more to kiss him again, scooting closer and mumbling something about him being a fucking geek before his lips are back against Jeremy’s, and Jeremy admittedly doesn’t know what to do for a solid second, but then he’s got a hand in Michael’s hair, and the other is around his back, and he’s tugging him close, because wow, _this_ is good.

 

He’s ready to break away, make some comment about this being better than video games or something, until Michael moves closer to him, and his hips move against his own, and-

 

“ _Oh_ my god.” It’s Michael who breaks the kiss, but Jeremy’s the one who speaks, and almost scares himself in doing so. “ _Michael_.”

 

“I know! I know, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to-”

 

“No, no, it’s, fine. Really, fine, just- I have an idea. Sit up?”

 

“But-"

 

“Michael, just sit up. Please?” There’s a second of hesitation before Michael obliges, tugging away from Jeremy and sitting up, going to scoot back away from him, but Jeremy makes a grab for his wrist before he can, shifting to sit up, and pull himself back into Michael’s lap.

 

“...What are you doing."

 

"Just- trust me.” Jeremy’s arm hooks around Michael again, smiling softly as the other drapes somewhere across his shoulder, leaning down to kiss him carefully. He feels Michael go still for a moment before he shifts and moves his arms up around Jeremy, and it’s not until then that he relaxes, fingers curling in the material of Jeremy’s shirt.

 

So far, so good.

 

Jeremy shifts closer before he feels Michael’s arms tighten around him, and his legs move to lock themselves somewhere behind him, too out of mind right now to even bother to care. He just knows that Michael’s face is hot, and so is his, and maybe this is too much, but it’s definitely more contact than a phone call. He kisses him again before Michael can say anything about this being stupid, and it only takes him a second to feel Michael return the gesture, and there’s a moment of hesitation before Jeremy presses closer.

 

The longer the kiss lasts, the more aware Jeremy becomes that neither one of them have done shit like this before. It’s obvious in the way that he can feel Michael’s hands shaking as he holds him, or in the way that Jeremy’s lips drag over Michael’s lower lip in a way that’s almost experimental. It doesn’t even sink in on him that he’s literally making out with his best friend until he feels Michael groan against his mouth, and Jeremy’s entire face goes red.

 

He’s sure that he can at least handle this a little bit, because he can keep himself together, sure. They’re just kissing.

 

But then Michael’s hips rock up.

 

Jeremy practically freezes up, looks down at him with wide eyes as he pulls back from the kiss, only to hear Michael whine, and then open his eyes in response. It takes Michael a moment before it seems to dawn on him, and Jeremy watches as his face flushes- something that he’d laugh at, had he not been in the exact same position.

 

“...Oh my god. I’m- _shit_ , I’m so sorry, I’m so, so sorry, Jer, I didn’t-”

 

“Shut-- shut up, Michael. Jesus Christ, don’t apologize for that. Especially not right now, not- over- _Fuck_ .” Jeremy’s fumbling for words- completely lost on whatever he’s trying to say, so he just leans in to press a hasty kiss to Michael’s neck before he tugs away and shoots him a lopsided grin, because holy shit, Michael is _red_. There’s a solid moment where he pauses, watching him, really focusing on the way that his eyes are wide and his lips are parted just slightly, and there’s a tightness in his chest as he leans back into kiss him, hard and fast.

 

Michael seems to stumble at that, but the way that Jeremy feels his lips curl into a smile is encouraging, to say the least, and he takes the initiative to return the favor from before, slowly rutting his hips down against Michael’s.

 

Subsequently, he gets a very eager-sounding whine against his lips, and it makes his head reel as he presses closer.

 

Nothing about this feels real.

 

That’s just about the only thing Jeremy’s sure of as he rocks his hips down again, only to meet Michael’s half way, and he pulls abruptly from the kiss in order to tuck his face down into Michael’s shoulder, cursing under his breath.

 

“...Is that- should I stop? Is that bad?”

 

Jeremy’s response is a shake of his head before he leans in to press a kiss to Michael’s neck, teeth grazing against his skin. “No,” he mumbles. “Keep going.”

 

Michael doesn’t respond- he just nods his head and moves closer, letting his hips roll up once again. It’s almost unbearable, how careful he’s being, and he swallows hard, letting out a quiet whine against Michael’s lips. He can’t stand this, he absolutely can’t.

 

There’s a few minutes that they’re just _fumbling_ \- trying to figure out an even rhythm, or a comfortable spot, but soon enough they figure it out, and they wind up just rocking back and forth against each other. Jeremy keeps hearing his name mumbled against his ear, and it has him going still each time, a shiver running up and down his spine. Jeremy, for once, is silent, before- shit.

 

Michael rocks up at just the right angle, and it makes Jeremy groan before his lips catch once again on Michael’s throat in attempt to shut himself up, falling to suck at the skin there, not pulling away until he feels Michael’s pulse quicken, and the fingers on his back curl in against his shirt tighter. 

 

The shirt which is seriously making everything feel too heavy, too hot, and he’s suddenly all too aware of the fact that he is very, _very_ into this, and the fact that Michael’s hands are wandering down and pushing underneath the hem of his shirt is only pushing that on his mind. His heart is racing faster, faster, because he has no idea just how long that he can keep himself together like this, especially when Michael is breathing his name into his ear, and he tugs away to land another kiss to Michael’s neck.

 

“ _Jeremy_.”

 

“What? I-- Yes? _What_?” Jeremy’s voice is completely shaky in all of the worst ways, and it makes Michael chuckle in some airy way that makes his heart leap.

 

“...You wanna- you want me to talk about how much I love music?” It’s obvious to him that he’s being _teased_ , and it makes him whine, but it makes Michael _laugh_ . “I’m s--serious. It helped you _last_ time, y’know, and-”

 

“ _Michael_.” He feels Michael’s fingers twitch against his skin, and then he ducks his head down against Jeremy’s shoulder, pressing a kiss there.

 

“Yeees?”

  
  
“Shut- up. Shut up.”

 

There’s another kiss against his shoulder before Michael turns to land one against his neck, and his jaw. He’s leaning up- or maybe Jeremy’s leaning down by this point, he can’t tell- and landing a kiss against the corner of his lips before he leans in more, and whispers to him.

 

“I _love_ you.”

 

Holy fucking shit. Jeremy forces out some sort of muffled grunt in response, face red as he presses closer, grip tightening on Michael’s hoodie as he grinds down, hard. “...Say that- again?” he chokes out

 

Jeremy doesn’t even have to look to see the steady grin stretching over Michael’s lips as he leans closer and mumbles “...Say what?”

 

“Michael, _please_ ,” Jeremy mumbles, breath hitching as he speaks. This is bad. Really bad. “...Just- say it again. Please.”

 

He nods, slowly, pressing a kiss to Jeremy's neck. “...I love you,” he mumbles under his breath. “I love you, Jeremy.”

 

Jeremy's expression twists, burying his face into Michael’s shoulder and groaning, because everything is hot, and tight, and there’s too much friction, and everything fades into nothing before he’s just focused on the fact that Michael is here, he’s on _top_ of Michael, and-

 

It doesn’t even entirely settle on him that he climaxed until he’s breathing heavily into Michael’s shoulder, and Michael’s hands have moved from his back to  around his neck, one hand up playing with his hair.

 

“...You okay?”

 

Jeremy just groans again in response, closing his eyes tightly. This is even worse than the phone, he decides, because his _pants_ are still on, and this fucking sucks. “...’M fine.”

 

“...You just, like- went to another dimension, Jer,” Michael mumbles, running his fingers through his hair slowly. Jeremy just nods, relaxing against Michael before he draws in a sharp breath.

 

“I’m sorry.” He mumbles, laughing nervously before he pulls himself back. “Christ, you’re not-- you aren’t, uh- still-”   
  
Michael snorts, locking his arms around Jeremy a bit tighter before he lets himself fall back, effectively taking Jeremy with him. “Dude, no, I’m fine. I’m alright. Just-- _you_. God damn. My voice really does take you places, doesn’t it?”

 

Jeremy sighs softly, pressing a fleeting kiss to Michael’s cheek before he shakes his head and closes his eyes. “No shit,” he mumbles softly, yawning against Michael’s shoulder. “You’re an ass, you know.”

 

“Yeah, yeah. So I’ve been told.” Michael aimlessly pats at his back, and Jeremy goes still, sighing happily. “But shut up, you’re ruining the moment.”

 

Jeremy snorts- wants to ask what the hell he’s talking about, but he doesn’t. He just nods a little, kissing his shoulder again before he presses his lips together. He’s too aware of the fact that he needs to fucking change, but that doesn’t seem to matter as Michael’s arms tighten around him, and it registers how comfortable he feels with him.

 

It’s taken him long enough, but everything finally clicks in his head as he starts to lose consciousness that he’s completely happy like this.

  
Maybe a phone call wasn't the worst idea he's ever had.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey it's me again. I hope all you fuckers are happy and proud of yourselves because I Did This For You. Shout-out to everyone who wanted a sequel.
> 
> But no, really, like. Thanks? To everyone who reads my shit. Means a lot. Thank youuuu. 
> 
> Here's a [tumblr link ](http://tearezicryrope.tumblr.com/post/162635458442/trying-his-best). If you want her.


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